Step 1
Start one year before intended harvest date.
Step 2
Feed the steer only wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage and tree bark.
Step 3
About fifteen minutes before you are ready to butcher, have a friend chase the animal several minutes to get maximum adrenaline into the meat.
Step 4
Shoot the beef immediately after it has been chased. Make sure it is gut shot and try to do this via the hind quarter. A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible into the impact area.
Step 5
Drag the beef to a slough and field dress it in the slough. Be sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails and debris in the body cavity as possible.
Step 6
Drag the beef at least one-half mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the carcasses open body cavity.
Step 7
Load the beef on a car/truck and drive down a gravel road at least five miles, then down a highway. This will get an adequate amount of highway grime, bugs, grit and small stones embedded in the meat. (For extra flavor, do this in the rain or wet snow.)
Step 8
Hang the beef in the garage. Make sure it is low enough so the dog can chew on the hind quarter and then properly mark his territory.
Step 9
At least once a day have your wife idle the vehicle for five minutes in the garage. Carbon monoxide adds greatly to the flavor.
Step 10
When the carcass smells so bad you can barely stand being in the garage, the beef is ready to butcher.
Properly followed, these few steps will insure that your beef is mistaken for venison by even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at the amount of venison you have and how good it tastes…for venison.
Remember….start now!
Author unknown, but undoubtedly a deer hunter.